Healing the Mother wound.
The Mother Wound…..We all, have it to one degree or another. It involves those parts of us that have shown love, cared for and nurtured another living thing. It stems from our relationship with our own Mothers and facing this is a necessary step on your road to recovery and healing.
Our emotions are complex and can be difficult to navigate at times.
However, healing from this type of trauma is possible. With patience, self-reflection and vulnerability, we can work and find a deeper level of understanding.
It all starts with being willing to take a good look at this and also being in a place to give forgiveness.It's important to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, rather it means choosing to let go of the anger and resentment that can come along with this type of trauma, for our own well-being and state of mind.
This my friend is trauma, and one that we can learn to live with in elegance and peace.
When we come to a place of forgiveness we will find a beautiful freedom. It is from this place that we begin to heal. This is the place of self discovery. It is the place where we learn how to wonder again. It is a place where we get very vulnerable with ourselves.
Learning to nurture and truly care for oneself can be a little challenging at first. You may even feel a little silly at times, but my sweet friend it is so so worth it. You will find a sense of freedom and reawaken the joy of play deep inside of you. You may experience a childlike wonder and decide to take a class in something that you have always been interested. But to get there you must be willing to face the trauma.
It starts with the first step of being willing to surrender to the process so you are able to show up for yourself in the most loving and gentleness of ways.
What are the feelings that come up for you when you think about this type of wound? Are there any particular instances that always seem to repeat in your mind. Facing these things takes courage and a willingness to be open to vulnerability and healing.
Finding someone who is able to help you through this process is very important. Be it a group, a coach, a spiritual worker or doctor. You do not want to do this kind of work alone.
There are many great books, You Tube Epsisodes and Podcasts that address this particular type of wound. Check out some of the links I have shared below. It is a great place to get started.
My own journey of healing my relationship with my Mom was a difficult one.However I was able to find healing with my Mom well before she passed on a number of years ago. I am so very grateful that I did the work too.Through the process I was able to share some of my trauma with my Mom. Ask questions on her perspective and find a peace in my relationship with her.
I was also able to see her own life with more compassion and understanding and for this I am so truly grateful.
My Mom passed away in my arms unexpectedly after a day surgery procedure. She developed an embolisum in her stomach. I was able to spend her last moments with her, whispering love into her ear while she moved on. I am forever grateful that I did this work before she passed. I took her death very hard because of how close we had gotten over her last couple of years of her life. That would not have happened though if I had not been willing to do the work.
Even if your own Mother has passed on you can still find the healing in this relationship. You may even find that you start seeing things a little differently once you do.
My hope for you is that you will take the nesseccasary steps to move forward in healing and gain the freedom you so deserve.
It all starts with the first step of taking a good look at this relationship and embracing the act of forgiveness, even if it hurts and feels a bit messy. Forgiveness is for your growth and release and not for the person that you feel has inflicted the trauma. Especially with our Mothers.
Now being here 62 years of age, I can confidently say that all is well with my soul. It’s been a long and winding journey to get here, but through my willingness to start my healing journey with my own mother wound, I have been able to discover a new sense of freedom and peace.
It wasn't easy - there were moments where it felt like too much to bear - but by taking things one step at a time and being patient with myself, I have been able to get there.
Are you to suffering from The Mother Wound?
Every souls relationship with their Mom is very unique, and so are the ways in which you may have been wounded by her.
There are three main types of wounding Mother’s. You may relate to one or even find a combination of all three. Let’s get to it.
First we have the attacking mother’s. They may physically attack you, use violent tactics to try and control you yell alot and use emotional manipulation to get you to do what they want. This was something my own mother did particularly in my adulthood, not so much in my younger childhood years.
Then comes the absent Mother. She may have been physically absent or emotionaly absent and unavailable to you. Especially in the earlier years of your development when it is so important to feel nurtured and safe. My own Mother fell into this categorie. Often we were left to live with relatives, who went on to abuse us in other ways and were also absent in their own way.
This brings us to the third type of Mother. The overbearing Mom. So smothers you with love and affection but it is in a form of control, usually to keep you safe from her perspective and to have control over what you do or do not do.
In all of these examples the Mom is usually dealing with her own traumas. Her own scars have made it impossible for her to show up in a healthy way. This is where forgiveness can come in on our part. It is where we can find freedome by dealing with this head on.
Having said all of this you may be wondering about your own Mothering of your children. I know how difficult this can be. I have three adult children of my own who I have learned to communicate with effectively. However this took time and a willingness to listen and understand things from their perspective.
There are no perfect Mother’s out there and we all stumble and fall. It is through a willingness to open ourselves up to healing this wound that we can also be able to heal the would with our own children. This is how we can break the cycle and make improvements in our own family life.
These are the top five tips to help you move forward:
- Create the time and space to work on this wound.
- Seek external help to support you on this journey.
- Be patient with yourself.
- Focus on being loving, starting with yourself.
- Pay attention to your thoughts and bring in practices to keep them positive.
Here are some great articles and videos to help get you started:
- Ten Steps to Heal the Mother Wound, by the Happiness Coach.
- BOOK Discovering the inner Mother by Bethany Webster.
- Self Healers Sound Board by, The Self Healers Sound Board on Youtube.
If you want help I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me for further information.
Heather is a certified life coach, trauma healer and self-image consultant with over 10+ years of experience helping people find their purpose and create positive changes in their lives. She has a deep passion for inspiring others to be the best version of themselves and she is driven by the belief that everyone can reach greater heights if they just believe in themselves. Her mission is to help people become emotionally healthy through healing from past traumas, improving their self-image, and finding clarity on what it is they truly want out of life.
Her methods combine her knowledge of healing from CPTSD, neuroscience, energy work and spirituality coupled with real world experiences.
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